How to tell a child “no”? What do psychologists talk about when they talk about boundaries? Can rules and prohibitions harm a child? Perhaps there are no parents who would not care about these and other similar questions. Let’s figure it out together – how to properly build these very boundaries for a child, why it is important and how to explain to children the need to follow the rules.[ad_2]
A little about bordersWhat are “boundaries”? These are certain restrictions that impose a number of obligations on the child. They protect the little person, help him live in society, lead a full life safely for his physical and psycho-emotional state. Due to inexperience and age, the child either has no boundaries at all, or they are extremely blurred. And the task of parents is to help the baby establish these very boundaries and understand the limitations associated with them. Psychologists and educators recommend talking about boundaries closer to the age of six. It is by this period that the parts of the brain responsible for self-control mature in children. Of course, no one can forbid moms and dads to build boundaries with a child a little earlier. The main thing is that he is psychologically ready for this, since all children develop in different ways. “Can” and “npsychelzya” The child receives the very first knowledge about boundaries quite early, when parents begin to tell him the words “can” and “impossible”. However, these terms should not be used all the time. Remember: the rules for the child should be flexible! Therefore, in addition to the wording “it is possible” and “it is impossible”, there should be two more intermediate forms: “it is possible, but within certain limits” and “it is impossible, but in exceptional situations it is possible”. Why is it important? So the rules become more efficient and working, and it is easier for children to navigate in certain circumstances. For example:
- you can’t play with matches and with a knife, you can’t open the door to strangers, etc.;
- you can’t come home after 21 pm, but if you take time off in advance (in honor of a friend’s birthday), you can come a little later;
- you can clean your room at any time during the day, but before the arrival of the parents it should be clean;
- you can choose your own sports section, hobby, etc.
What are rule-forming gesturesMany parents believe that the best option to set boundaries and rules for a child is simply to explain in detail the reason for the restrictions (“You can’t eat ice cream outside in winter because you will get sick”). But such an installation does not always work, mainly due to age restrictions. Why is this happening? Due to poor language skills, underdeveloped cognitive processes (abstract thinking, memory, etc.) and lack of life experience, it will be difficult for a child under 5-6 years old to understand the very essence of restrictions. However, at this age stage, the baby “thinks with the body”, and here rule-forming gestures will come to the aid of parents. What it is? Rule-forming gestures are physical limitations that allow moms and dads to build boundaries for a child. This is not about physical punishments, but about actions that accompany verbal rules. For example:
- firmly take the child by the hand in a place where it is dangerous to walk alone;
- restrain or take aside a child who fights or throws sand;
- hug a child who is trying to get out of bed after lights out;
- remove the child from a high surface (windowsill, rack, shelf) or prevent him from climbing there;
- fasten the baby with a seat belt in the car, despite the screams and protests.