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Some moms and dads complain about the aggression of their children — eternal fights, resentment and bullying behavior. However, another part of the parents is concerned about exactly the opposite problem: sometimes the child is too passive and indifferent, often loses in disputes. How to teach a son or daughter to stand up for themselves if a conflict suddenly arises? And what can a child learn at the same time?
Learn not to respond to provocations
The main task of the aggressor is to humiliate, unsettle the opponent and bring him to negative emotions. That is why many children so easily succumb to various teasers, name-calling and nicknames: they are offended, cry, complain and then stay in a terrible mood for a long time.
What should parents do? First of all, explain to the child in an accessible form what a “provocation” is and why the ill-wisher is trying to offend him. It is important to tell that the best way to avoid tears is to simply ignore the offender or smile. When he sees that the child does not respond to provocation, he will simply lose interest.
Method number 2: Teach not to show fear
Not a single child who is bullied is immune from fear. It happens that offenders begin to pour threats. However, such attacks rarely have the goal of annoying. As a rule, menacing words are intended to cause fear in the opponent and trample on his self-confidence. After all, a frightened person is much easier to manage!
In such a situation, moms and dads need to tell the child about the importance of a confident dialogue. Even if you want to cry, scream and sit on the ground with trembling knees, it is better to avoid such behavior. The ideal option is to gather your courage, speak without trembling in your voice, answer clearly and confidently.
Of course, this tactic is not suitable for outright bullying. Therefore, it will be useful for parents to teach the child elementary self-defense techniques (just in case) or give him to sports — to strengthen the body, spirit and develop self-confidence.
Method number 3: Teach clearly refuse
The ability to say a firm “no” is a truly useful skill. Kindness and responsiveness are wonderful, but people can use these qualities to their advantage. For example, resort to manipulation, blackmail (“You are a greedy person”, “No one will be friends with you”, “If you don’t do it, we will never accept you in our company again”). These can be persistent “requests” for money or copying off math homework.
It is important to explain to the child that friendship is based on trust, mutual respect and the absence of selfish motives. And if he does not want to give someone his favorite eraser and let him write off the test, then he has every right to say no.
Method number 4: Learn to solve problems on your own
If a conflict has arisen between a child, other children or adults (for example, a teacher, coach), then you should not run headlong to defend the interests of the child. Perhaps the conflict will be resolved faster, but how effectively? Subsequently, the child may be called a coward, a sneak, a sissy or a weakling, which will only exacerbate the situation.
Give your child the opportunity to figure out the problem on their own. From the parental side, there is only one thing you can do: give the child advice on how to behave, what to say and where to turn if something suddenly goes wrong.
It is also worth noting that this recommendation does not apply to conflict situations with an illegal inclination (beatings, theft, etc.).
Method number 5: Teach not to fight back
Parents believe that the ability to fight back helps justice prevail. However, what criteria can be used to evaluate the fairness of surrender? In the end, the offender can start over — and then the process of “justice” will become cyclical and turn into an uncontrollable brawl.
It is not only about resolving issues with fists, but also about insults and insults. After all, if we are talking about surrender, then it turns out that the child must respond with an insult for an insult, and with an insult for an insult?
Remember the wise thing: violence breeds violence. Try to tell your child about different ways to resolve conflicts, from ignoring to dialogue.
Method number 6: Learn to admit mistakes
The ability to admit mistakes has saved more than one person. Sometimes it happens that a child does something wrong, but stubbornly does not admit it. It’s easier for him to cry, get offended and run away from prying eyes.
To admit one’s own mistakes means to take responsibility, to show self-confidence, one’s strength. Teach your child to analyze his actions: if he really made a mistake somewhere, then he will be able to exhaust the conflict literally immediately, sincerely apologizing or correcting the mistake.
Method number 7: Learn to ask for help
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness of character. The ability to stand up for yourself includes this skill. Still, it is a mistake to believe that a child can always and everywhere defend himself alone, even if his parents in theory tell him what to do. In many situations, you can not do without the help of others.
It is necessary to explain to the child: if he understands that he cannot cope (morally or physically), then he should contact the person he trusts: a parent, educator, coach, teacher.
Also, parents should understand that only a self-confident child can stand up for himself. Therefore, the task of mothers and fathers is to show understanding, provide support and instill in their child self-confidence, courage and determination.
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