Some moms and dads com­plain about the aggres­sion of their chil­dren — eter­nal fights, resent­ment and bul­ly­ing behav­ior. How­ev­er, anoth­er part of the par­ents is con­cerned about exact­ly the oppo­site prob­lem: some­times the child is too pas­sive and indif­fer­ent, often los­es in dis­putes. How to teach a son or daugh­ter to stand up for them­selves if a con­flict sud­den­ly aris­es? And what can a child learn at the same time?

Learn not to respond to provo­ca­tions
The main task of the aggres­sor is to humil­i­ate, unset­tle the oppo­nent and bring him to neg­a­tive emo­tions. That is why many chil­dren so eas­i­ly suc­cumb to var­i­ous teasers, name-call­ing and nick­names: they are offend­ed, cry, com­plain and then stay in a ter­ri­ble mood for a long time.

What should par­ents do? First of all, explain to the child in an acces­si­ble form what a “provo­ca­tion” is and why the ill-wish­er is try­ing to offend him. It is impor­tant to tell that the best way to avoid tears is to sim­ply ignore the offend­er or smile. When he sees that the child does not respond to provo­ca­tion, he will sim­ply lose inter­est.

Method num­ber 2: Teach not to show fear
Not a sin­gle child who is bul­lied is immune from fear. It hap­pens that offend­ers begin to pour threats. How­ev­er, such attacks rarely have the goal of annoy­ing. As a rule, men­ac­ing words are intend­ed to cause fear in the oppo­nent and tram­ple on his self-con­fi­dence. After all, a fright­ened per­son is much eas­i­er to man­age!

In such a sit­u­a­tion, moms and dads need to tell the child about the impor­tance of a con­fi­dent dia­logue. Even if you want to cry, scream and sit on the ground with trem­bling knees, it is bet­ter to avoid such behav­ior. The ide­al option is to gath­er your courage, speak with­out trem­bling in your voice, answer clear­ly and con­fi­dent­ly.

Of course, this tac­tic is not suit­able for out­right bul­ly­ing. There­fore, it will be use­ful for par­ents to teach the child ele­men­tary self-defense tech­niques (just in case) or give him to sports — to strength­en the body, spir­it and devel­op self-con­fi­dence.

Method num­ber 3: Teach clear­ly refuse
The abil­i­ty to say a firm “no” is a tru­ly use­ful skill. Kind­ness and respon­sive­ness are won­der­ful, but peo­ple can use these qual­i­ties to their advan­tage. For exam­ple, resort to manip­u­la­tion, black­mail (“You are a greedy per­son”, “No one will be friends with you”, “If you don’t do it, we will nev­er accept you in our com­pa­ny again”). These can be per­sis­tent “requests” for mon­ey or copy­ing off math home­work.

It is impor­tant to explain to the child that friend­ship is based on trust, mutu­al respect and the absence of self­ish motives. And if he does not want to give some­one his favorite eras­er and let him write off the test, then he has every right to say no.

Method num­ber 4: Learn to solve prob­lems on your own
If a con­flict has arisen between a child, oth­er chil­dren or adults (for exam­ple, a teacher, coach), then you should not run head­long to defend the inter­ests of the child. Per­haps the con­flict will be resolved faster, but how effec­tive­ly? Sub­se­quent­ly, the child may be called a cow­ard, a sneak, a sis­sy or a weak­ling, which will only exac­er­bate the sit­u­a­tion.

Give your child the oppor­tu­ni­ty to fig­ure out the prob­lem on their own. From the parental side, there is only one thing you can do: give the child advice on how to behave, what to say and where to turn if some­thing sud­den­ly goes wrong.

It is also worth not­ing that this rec­om­men­da­tion does not apply to con­flict sit­u­a­tions with an ille­gal incli­na­tion (beat­ings, theft, etc.).

Method num­ber 5: Teach not to fight back
Par­ents believe that the abil­i­ty to fight back helps jus­tice pre­vail. How­ev­er, what cri­te­ria can be used to eval­u­ate the fair­ness of sur­ren­der? In the end, the offend­er can start over — and then the process of “jus­tice” will become cycli­cal and turn into an uncon­trol­lable brawl.

It is not only about resolv­ing issues with fists, but also about insults and insults. After all, if we are talk­ing about sur­ren­der, then it turns out that the child must respond with an insult for an insult, and with an insult for an insult?

Remem­ber the wise thing: vio­lence breeds vio­lence. Try to tell your child about dif­fer­ent ways to resolve con­flicts, from ignor­ing to dia­logue.

Method num­ber 6: Learn to admit mis­takes
The abil­i­ty to admit mis­takes has saved more than one per­son. Some­times it hap­pens that a child does some­thing wrong, but stub­born­ly does not admit it. It’s eas­i­er for him to cry, get offend­ed and run away from pry­ing eyes.

To admit one’s own mis­takes means to take respon­si­bil­i­ty, to show self-con­fi­dence, one’s strength. Teach your child to ana­lyze his actions: if he real­ly made a mis­take some­where, then he will be able to exhaust the con­flict lit­er­al­ly imme­di­ate­ly, sin­cere­ly apol­o­giz­ing or cor­rect­ing the mis­take.

Method num­ber 7: Learn to ask for help
Ask­ing for help is not a sign of weak­ness of char­ac­ter. The abil­i­ty to stand up for your­self includes this skill. Still, it is a mis­take to believe that a child can always and every­where defend him­self alone, even if his par­ents in the­o­ry tell him what to do. In many sit­u­a­tions, you can not do with­out the help of oth­ers.

It is nec­es­sary to explain to the child: if he under­stands that he can­not cope (moral­ly or phys­i­cal­ly), then he should con­tact the per­son he trusts: a par­ent, edu­ca­tor, coach, teacher.

Also, par­ents should under­stand that only a self-con­fi­dent child can stand up for him­self. There­fore, the task of moth­ers and fathers is to show under­stand­ing, pro­vide sup­port and instill in their child self-con­fi­dence, courage and deter­mi­na­tion.


By Yara