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It is important for every child to feel not only needed and loved, but also capable and successful. After all, it is from these feelings that self-esteem and attitude are largely formed. However, there are no people in the world who would always be 100% successful in everything. And if in adulthood we already know how to cope with failures, then children only have to learn this.

But how can parents help? Our recommendations will help the child learn to experience failures with dignity, and parents – to respond correctly to them.

Method number 1: Personal example

It is difficult to argue that children in their behavior are largely based on the behavioral models of their fathers and mothers. If parents perceive every failure as a tragedy and the end of the world, then the child will behave the same way. Lost your plush bunny? It’s unimaginable! Got a B on a math test? Nightmare, how to live now?!

Therefore, before demanding from children an adequate response to failures, moms and dads will need to learn how to do it themselves. Yes, of course, failures happen not the most pleasant – you lost money or did not have time for an important meeting. But they say rightly: if you can’t change the situation, then change your attitude towards it!

Method number 2: Learning to express emotions

Why do so many children worry so much even because of small failures? Because they can not fully express in words what they feel. Someone wanted praise from the teacher, but did not receive it. Someone is offended that his efforts were not noticed by adults. Someone gets angry at being treated unfairly. To help your child cope with failure, you can teach him to correctly express his feelings in words. Then you can decide what to do next with certain experiences.

Understanding what exactly I feel and the ability to say it is in itself a great help in experiences. And when we know the name of what is happening to us, it becomes easier for us to choose how to deal with it. This applies to both children and adults.

Method number 3: “No” to perfectionism

One of the most common mistakes of moms and dads is to inspire their children that they do (or should do) everything better than anyone else. This tactic is understandable: it seems that by putting a crown on a child, they add to his self-confidence. In fact, everything is a little more complicated, since such a behavioral model can form perfectionism in children.

Imagine that the child grows up a little, and the picture of his world begins to gradually change: here he got a three for an essay, now he didn’t take first place in a reading competition, now he didn’t get the main role in a school play. Disappointment is painful: “How so? I’m the best! I should have only the best result!” Therefore, perfectionism should be fought, not cultivated. Failures happen to everyone, and if they happen to you, it does not mean at all that you are bad, stupid or unlucky. The main thing is that the love of parents or friends does not depend on the number of fives, awards and achievements. A person is beautiful in itself, without conditions and evaluations.

Method number 4: Encourage the right way

A popular joke about the son of a mother’s friend often turns out to be not a joke at all. For some reason, many parents believe that with the words “Look at Pasha – a handsome man, an athlete, an excellent student, not like you!” they stimulate the child to take up the mind. Unfortunately, everything happens exactly the opposite.

The only person with whom you can compare the child is not Katya or Vanya, but he himself! All other comparisons will simply be unfair. After all, both Katya and Vanya have completely different data, abilities and social situation. If you really want to compare, notice your child: “Look how much progress you have made compared to the previous quarter!” or “Look how your English has improved! Now you can easily talk to an American without an accent at all.”

Celebrate not only the end result of the action, but also the effort put into the process. Sometimes the fact that the child received a B in mathematics is not so important, but how much work it was given to him and how much time and effort he spent studying to get his first B.

Method #5: Responding constructively to failure

Failures happen in the life of every person, but in order for a child to live through failures competently, it is important not to reduce his reaction to extremes. It’s definitely not worth it to swear or scare children, or devalue their experiences. The child must know that you empathize with him and that he can turn to you for support at any time. You may ask if he needs help: “What can I do to help you deal with your feelings?” Discuss the situation together, help the children draw conclusions and deal with their feelings. Gradually, they will learn an attitude that will help them in adulthood.

Method number 6: Learning to analyze misses

The correct reaction to failure is not to dismiss what happened, but to try to analyze what happened. Failure? Discuss together what went wrong, and most importantly, what can be done to correct the situation. Teach your child to find ways to solve various issues without plunging into self-criticism and catastrophizing.

Method number 7: “Experience is the son of difficult mistakes”

Learning from the mistakes of others is great, but there is nothing more rewarding than living your own experience, no matter how bad. Give children the right to make mistakes and cope with failures themselves, then in the future they will be able to adequately “step over” failures without harming their psycho-emotional state.

Tell us about how you or your beloved grandfather deal with failures. Think of your child’s favorite literary characters who were able to overcome difficulties. Remind them that it’s okay not to always get it right the first time. The main thing is not to quit what you started and, if necessary, seek help and support.


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