Modern parents often turn to specialists with the problem of children’s resentment. Such a child, with all his behavior, can demonstrate rejection of the situation in order to cause feelings of guilt, pity in loved ones, or in order to deliberately change circumstances in his favor. Often such children simply do not know how else to express their needs. Why does the child behave in this way and how to respond correctly if he is offended? This is our article.
Children’s resentment can have many reasons. It is on the basis of the circumstances of the occurrence of resentment that one should select an approach to the child.
Resentment may be one of the components of children’s temperament and character.. Sensitive children often take everything to heart. It is easy to hurt them with words, actions, remarks, even if they are designed to help or make life easier for the child. In this case, resentment is a natural reaction of the child to everything that causes him negative emotions or disagreement.
Resentment may be the result of a discrepancy between children’s expectations and reality.. A very simple example: parents give a kid a designer for his birthday, not a bicycle, especially if they promised to give a bicycle for a long time.
Parental behavior can also influence the frequent occurrence of resentment.. In particular, the transmission of feelings of shame and guilt to the baby, the constant comparison of him with others, the presence of “favorites” in the family, the desire to remake the child for himself and suppress his aspirations, desires, interests. Resentment is born from the pressure of children’s self-doubt and inability to live up to parental ideas about the “ideal” child.
If mom or dad regularly show their grievances each other (or children), then with a high probability the son or daughter will also adopt this model of behavior. Especially if the child has witnessed how resentment has repeatedly helped a person achieve what he wants.
Overprotection of parents can also become a factor in the appearance of children’s resentment.. If mothers, fathers, grandfathers and grandmothers overprotect the baby and watch his every breath, then any grief will be perceived by the child literally as a tragedy. When meeting with difficulties (and they, of course, are inevitable), the baby will first of all be offended: the world is too unfair, everything should be different! If parents indulge a child in any desires, rush to instantly fulfill his whims, do not teach to respect other people’s personal boundaries – such a child will be offended if he is reprimanded. After all, he is accustomed only to praise – otherwise he does not play.
Of course, there are situations when the child is offended quite rightly. In this case, resentment acts as a defensive reaction of a small person: he does not know how to react to someone else’s injustice, how to behave and what to answer. Due to age, the baby simply does not know how to “bridle” his vulnerability or someone else’s unfair behavior. For example, if mom or dad scolded the child, but he was not to blame at all. In this case, it’s up to the parents: you need to apologize and explain what happened.
How to react?
The peculiarity of children’s insults is that they can be quite strange. Only kids can be offended by the fact that the mug is blue, but you want to drink from red. Or that a plush monkey that got dirty in porridge was washed. Or that you can not eat sand from the street.
How to respond to children’s grievances? First of all, remember that resentment is a signal that the child is worried or dissatisfied with something. The task of parents is to help the child understand and express all their emotions, communicate their needs in a more understandable and environmentally friendly way.
Do not discount childhood experiences
Ignoring is by no means the best way to solve a problem. Therefore, say the situation: “I know you were offended because I washed your favorite T-shirt.” Most likely, after this, the child will not stop being offended or shedding tears, but he will understand that he was understood. He will learn to recognize his own emotions and understand the reason for their appearance. After all, if the cause of resentment is different, the child will correct you: “No, I was upset because I wanted to wear a T-shirt of the same color as my dad!”. This is already the beginning of a constructive dialogue.
Explain your motives
This is a great opportunity to show the child the importance of cause-and-effect relationships in practice: “You were offended because we didn’t go on a swing in the park. But now it’s getting dark and it’s time for us to go home. A delicious dinner awaits you at home and a little brother you love to play with.”
At this stage, it is helpful to offer a solution to the problem: “We will go for a ride tomorrow morning after breakfast” or “Let’s ask dad to take you here on Sunday!”. The main thing is to show the baby that everything is solvable! Yes, and there may be several options for further actions, you can even consult with the child, which one is better.
Give your child time to experience emotions
This is not about ignoring, but about empathy. It is worth remembering that the child’s psyche is still being formed, so mood swings for a child are a variant of the norm. Including because of them, resentment arises at the moon, which the child cannot eat, or at the striped zebra, which should be orange and in a box. Just show your child how to get over this insult, say all the feelings, hug, and stay close until his emotions subside.
Learn to talk about feelings
Resentment is a complex feeling. Not every adult can explain why he is offended. And for a child, this often becomes an overwhelming task. Help your child with leading questions: “Are you angry or angry? Are you sad or lonely? You are afraid? What are you afraid of?” Such questions will allow you to orient yourself, speak out and subsequently deal with resentment. Don’t laugh or discount verbalized childhood feelings. Have your child think of ways they can express them to make it easier. Draw, scream into the pillow, come up and talk calmly with dad again, get distracted and play.