In the picture of the ideal family that we draw in our minds, the child often appears as sweet, good-natured, always cheerful, and also obedient and reasonable. But what if in reality this is not the case, and sometimes it seems to you that you have a little monster growing? And how to tame it, this monster?

Children’s aggression can manifest itself in completely different situations and in different forms. It happens that a child or teenager simply “has such a temperament”, in other words, he is like that in life and snaps with all people. And it happens that rudeness is the secret identity of a child: at school he is always polite with teachers, and there have never been conflicts with classmates, but at home he breaks loose. Parents feel completely lost, not knowing how to deal with him further without punishment or reciprocal rudeness.

It happens that the child was rude and sharp-tongued all his life. It also happens that he has changed a lot in just the last couple of months, although he had never lashed out at his parents and relatives before.

In all these cases, moms and dads are in dire need of help in developing a further plan of action. In this article, we will analyze why children show aggression towards other people and how to establish a more peaceful atmosphere in the house.

A bit of psychology

To begin with, it is worth figuring out what causes childish rudeness. And there may be several reasons.

Lack of intimacy
This is one of the classic reasons. Parents are very busy people, immersed headlong in work. Often after work they do not have a resource for active communication with the child. But what can they do if they already provide him with a comfortable existence as best they can? And this is not always a complete disregard for the child, outwardly everything may not look so bad. For example, at breakfast, the child begins to act up, declaring that he does not want porridge, but wants a hot sandwich with melted cheese. And his parents give him this sandwich. But it all depends on how it is played out: you can agree to fulfill the whim of the baby, but in such a way that it will be immediately noticeable – you do this if only he quickly falls behind and calms down. Or you can cook delicious toasts together, and at the same time everyone will get what they want: the child – delicious food, the parent – the absence of conflict, and both sides – human contact.

It is both a cause and an effect, and this aspect follows from the previous one. When a child lacks attention, at some point he realizes that bad deeds attract much more attention than good ones: the latter are taken by adults for granted, but disobedience and rudeness immediately cause an emotional response, and this is much more interesting. And if at first the baby does it situationally, when he wants to be noticed, then it becomes a habit and is fixed in the form of a behavioral pattern.

Taboo on emotions
Naturally, adults want to teach their children to behave correctly in society, because if a child behaves badly with strangers, then all the stones will be thrown at the parents who raised their children so “wrongly”. “Don’t roar, everyone is looking at you!”, “Why are you yelling at the whole store? I’m ashamed of you” and many other similar phrases – a child can absorb these attitudes, but at the same time at home, when no one sees, break down on those closest to him. Simply because all emotions remain inside him, despite the prohibitions on showing them. And this energy needs to be thrown out somewhere.

First crises
Many have heard about the crises of 3 and 7 years, but, perhaps, there is little that can compare with the crisis of adolescence. The child is no longer quite a child, but as an adult, he has not yet fully learned to reason. He has some interests alien to mom and dad, new friends with whom he spends all the time, and it seems that there is almost no place left for his parents in his life. But even this is not enough: he began to behave very harshly and aggressively.

The complexity of parent-child relationships in adolescence often lies in the lack of contact, in the fact that for more than 10 years people in the family have not learned to talk to each other, listen and hear. Now is the time if you don’t want to lose his trust as an adult.

What to do?

In addition to working on psychological problems, breathing exercises can be effective, because it helps to concentrate on the internal state and calm down. And this is extremely useful during outbursts of anger. Plus, it doesn’t have to be a standard count to ten or boring breaths – it can all be turned into a fun game that even the little ones will enjoy.

The proposed exercises will not take you much time, but they will certainly help to cope with problems.

We are Indians
You probably remember this from your childhood. Who would have thought that such a practice is also an emotional discharge. The child makes a low cry, alternately covering his mouth with his palm. If circumstances allow (for example, you are in the country or in the forest), then you can shout loudly. The parent can act as a leader or conductor, showing the volume level of the sound emitted by hand.

You can continue the game of Indians – organize javelin throwing at a target or wild dances with a tambourine and magical cries around the oldest oak. Remember to come up with nicknames, appoint a leader and always follow the accepted code of a fearless Indian.

The role of the owl is played by the child. At the command of the parent, day or night comes. “Daytime” he stands and slowly turns his head from side to side. When the “night” comes, he carefully looks ahead, raising his hands up on the inhale and lowering on the exhale. On the second exhalation, he should say: “Uff” and exhale again. This is not only an exercise in breathing, but also in concentration, which helps to restore internal balance.

The child is standing with arms lowered along the body. As he inhales, he raises his hands, keeping his palms on his body, and then lowers them as he exhales. Breathing can vary: for example, a quick inhalation – a slow exhalation or vice versa. The task of the parent is to control the process and encourage the offspring.

What to read

Sean Grover “My baby is a tyrant”
The author has 20 years of experience as a psychotherapist, and among his patients were also children and adolescents. The book is a cross between a therapy session and a master class for parents. Here is a detailed description of all the causes and origins of the problem, as well as methods of dealing with it.

Publishing house Uchitel “Improving gymnastics” and “Respiratory gymnastics”
These small books are mainly intended for teachers, but they will not be superfluous for parents either. They provide a lot of useful exercises for children, which will have a positive effect on both the physical development of the child and his emotional state.

If you understand that you are not coping with the situation or with your feelings, be sure to contact a psychologist.


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