For some parents, the word “punishment” is associated with kneeling in buckwheat or with a large officer’s belt. It is difficult to deny this: the older generation was brought up differently, and earlier there was a time when physical punishment of children was not considered anything bad. “If you spare the rod, you will spoil the child,” they said then.
Modern parents belong to a new generation, and now spanking with nettles seems to be a real sadism, and not a sophisticated way of education. The same applies to any kind of flip flops and cuffs.
Questions arise: it turns out that it is not worth punishing children at all? What and who will then grow out of them? Is it possible to raise a worthy person without punishment? What to do if the child is seriously at fault?
Let’s figure it out together.
Necessity and inevitability of punishments
In fact, there is nothing wrong with the word “punishment”. Nowadays, it is often associated exclusively with physical strength, but this is not at all the case. If you look in the explanatory dictionary, you can see the following definition:The measure of influence on the one who committed the offense”.
Why punish children?
The leading task of punishment is to help the child understand his wrong deeds and actions, realize their consequences and find a way to correct mistakes.
In other words, the punishment should actually make life easier for the baby. To make him smarter, more experienced, more tolerant, more responsible, more serious, kinder. If the child understands the connection between misconduct and punishment, then he will develop the ability to establish cause-and-effect relationships, analyze, and make predictions. This will guide him along an ethical path and even (especially in adolescence, when a rebellious spirit wakes up in many), will help to absorb not only moral, but also legal norms.
How not to punish
Before talking about the correct punishments, it is worth talking about what is absolutely impossible to do. Punishing children is not a way to relieve stress by throwing out the accumulated negativity. That’s why prohibited:
- Commit physical violence, which includes such methods as dousing with ice water, beating, pulling hair, using a belt, etc., and simple spanking;
- Deprive children of vital things (sleep, food, warm clothes, communication);
- Commit psychological violence (shouting, intimidation, waving, insults, humiliation);
- Punish for ignorance. If a child first saw a cat and pulled it by the tail, you should not scold the baby — the information that the animal is in pain is not known to him. Another thing is when an explanatory conversation has already been held with a son or daughter, perhaps even more than once;
- Punish in a disproportionate amount. If a child demonstratively tore a book, then it is not worth punishing him with a ban on walks for all three summer months;
- Punish for restlessness, excessive activity, curiosity, or, on the contrary, for slowness, low motivation;
- Punish for negligence (broken vase, soiled trousers, etc.).
What can be punished and when to start doing it
Psychologists say that the introduction of punishments should begin at the age of three, when the child begins to develop the ability to establish causal relationships. Up to this point, it is recommended only to talk with the baby, explaining what is bad and what is good.
From the point of view of specialists, it is permissible to punish children for:
- insulting other people;
- the use of force against animals and people, if the force was not used for protection;
- lying for personal gain;
- violation of the agreed rules of conduct (for example, the school charter);
How to properly punish children
Being able to punish correctly means being a strict parent, but inspiring confidence in the child. As part of a competent punishment, it is permissible:
⟩ deprive the child of entertainment (cinema, going to the water park — but only if this was not previously agreed) or pocket money for a certain period;
⟩ put the baby on a “punishment chair” or put it in a corner for a while — so the child will be alone with his thoughts, calm down, think;
⟩ to punish jokingly: ask to sit down 15 times, clean the closet, vacuum, read a poem with expression on the topic of your misconduct, compose a thematic fable;
⟩ to ask the child to think about his misconduct and talk about the conclusions that he made — this is rather not a punishment, but an important opportunity to discuss together the consequences of what was done and maintain contact with the child;
Yes — do not forget about educational conversations (why you can’t do this) and correcting mistakes.
Discuss with the child what happened and ask him how he himself thinks — how you can correct your mistakes and how to prevent the repetition of an unpleasant story. Sometimes a sincere apology is enough, and sometimes more serious steps come into play. It is important that the conversation be in a calm and respectful tone.
Punishment is not the death penalty. This is an excellent educational method, especially when it is carried out according to the rules. The main thing that moms and dads need to remember is that it is important to love a child no matter what. His behavior may be defiant, controversial, unacceptable, or requiring a strict revision of educational measures. However, the child should know that even after his misdeeds he is loved and accepted.